When John and I were in our mid-twenties, we lived in a trendy little city. Every Friday morning, we would have coffee and salt bagels at a cafe. Another young couple, attractive and hip in the way that we secretly hoped we were, had the same ritual at the same time.
Now I am in my mid-thirties. I don't drink coffee anymore, and I have stopped eating grains. I am trying to eliminate cheese. No more coffee and bagels at the cafe. I think that other couple broke up. She keeps a shop in that same city; when I'm in town I stop by.
A friend of mind has found herself suddenly adrift. With two small children and no place to call home, she's off to clean out her old house. All her possessions, the peripheral items that color her rituals, are going into storage.
Each day, each hour, each minute, a little door closes behind me. I don't dwell in that, but I acknowledge it. "You're gonna drown tomorrow, if you cry too many tears for yesterday," as Townes said.
I rejoice in this moment, on the crest of the wave of my life. I am grateful for the great force of the swell beneath me, and for the detritus lifted or left behind. Still, there are flickers of sadness for the little things lost along the way, and it would be foolish of me to deny them. Much we make of the addict's desire to return to a chemical state, but that's not the whole story. It is also the association of our memories, the big and small places that we choose to leave but in which we also leave a piece of ourselves. "I don't want another drink, I only want the last one again," as the song goes.
So for a moment, even as I throw my arms wide in acknowledgment that I choose this place with all its rewards, let me mourn. A slice of pepperoni pizza. A favorite coffee cup. The giddy luxury of a bender, when the next morning was unclaimed by children, household and health (and age). Bread with butter. Pierogies.
I will not try to re-create these riches now in rough facsimile, but rather let them linger, bittersweet, in my memory. Occasionally I will put fresh flowers on their graves. Sometimes I will throw a death-day party.
Sometimes we put parts of our lives in storage; sometimes we leave parts behind. That's okay; if we can allow ourselves the emotional space to find what is opening ahead it can even be wonderful. Nonetheless, those little losses are real, and sometimes I need to mourn them.
And with that, here are a few recipes that are working in my life Right Now. One is vegan and can be raw or cooked, one has fish.
Taco-less Fish Tacos
Ingredients:
1-2 lbs. firm wild-caught white fish, such as haddock or cod
3 large sweet potatoes
2 Tbsp butter
1 tsp chili powder
Sauce
1 C yogurt, strained through a coffee filter or cheesecloth for an hour
1 Tbsp cumin
1 clove garlic, diced fine
1 tsp salt
1 Tbsp lemon juice
Optional toppings:
1/2 C grated gruyere
chopped scallions
diced avocado
tomatillo salsa
Directions:
Bake sweet potatoes at 450 until tender when pierced with a knife. I make a slit in the top of them while they cook to let the steam escape, and I put a baking sheet on the rack below so that the sugar doesn't bake onto the oven.
Once the potatoes are done, remove and lower the heat to 350. Allow the temperature to drop, and then brush the fish with olive oil and sprinkle with chili powder. Bake about 10 min, until flaky. Check it regularly so it doesn't overcook.
Mix the yogurt and other sauce ingredients. If you are not eating any dairy products, you can try making a similar sauce using a base of soaked, pureed almonds, avocado cream or a nut yogurt. You can also omit it entirely, along with the cheese.
Cut the potatoes in half. Put two halves on a plate, top with butter and 1/4-1/2 lbs. of fish. Top with sauce and cheese if desired. You can also add other taco toppings, if you want.
Portobello Cap Pizza
6 large portobello mushrooms
Marinade (optional - this is only necessary if you plan to eat these raw. Mushrooms should not be eaten totally raw; they require cooking or marinating)
1/4 C soy sauce or tamari
1/2 C olive oil
Toppings
1/2 C softened sun-dried tomatoes
1/2 C pitted calamata olives
1/4 C olive oil
2 Tbsp fresh Italian parsley
Parmesan cheese (optional)
If eating these raw, marinade the mushrooms until they feel "cooked," about 15 minutes with regular turning.
In a food processor, process the topping ingredients until they are finely chopped but still chunky. Top the mushrooms.
If eating raw, warm them in a cool oven to desired temperature (food must be less than 115 to be considered raw).
If cooking, put the topped mushrooms on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil, and bake at 350 for about 15 minutes, or until warm and soft.
You can do any pizza topping on these; this was what I had in the house.
Now I have my computer back, and soon I will be getting a keyboard that works properly (the u and the 7 don't function on this one so I have to cut and paste from other text), I should be able to keep up with my blog again! However, due to all sorts of excitement that I will report later, I will not be updating the blog next week.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Cure for the Common Everything. Best Paleo Veggie Burgers Ever, Plus a Little Impermanence For Good Measure
Yesterday morning I sat down to a precious few minutes at the computer and began to load last week's photos for My Time-Lapse Life. My computer crashed. Undeterred, I rebooted, only to discover that iPhoto was completely blank. Yep, pictures all gone. Five years of photos, not backed up. (The thing about the lower items on my to-do list is that, as the upper items all involve the survival of the family and are barely executed most of the time, they stay at the bottom. Undone. I have been meaning to back up my iPhoto and iTunes for about 3 years.)
My first reaction was to wail and weep as if the house had burned down. Since then, oddly, I have felt really calm about the whole thing. There is a good chance that I can retrieve the files if I take the machine to a tech (yes, I will buy backup memory and back everything up RIGHT THEN!), but my usual response to this type of situation is to panic until I have taken care of things.
Why am I sharing this scintillating tale with you? Well, in addition to offering an explanation for why I won't include any pictures this week, I think this is a testament to the incredible success my current dietary regimen has had in terms of regulating my adrenals. Accepting impermanence, staying present and mindful, meeting each moment with openness and energy; everything is suddenly much easier.
I have shared here before that I often have insomnia, waking during the night for hours at a time. While my other anxiety symptoms have declined over the years as I have made chances to my lifestyle and diet, I occasionally feel panicky or my heart races. I have to be very careful what "news" I consume and how; certain issues put me over the edge and I have trouble bringing myself back to a normal mental and emotional state.
Last week, I wrote that I was making a casual transition to a modified paleolithic diet (and by modified I mean that I cheat sometimes!). So now that I have gone and told everyone to eat lentils, I am easing myself off legumes and pulses. Since I stopped eating wheat and all other grains (I am not strict about beans and lentils and dairy products, although I can tell that I don't digest as well when I eat them), I sleep at night. Almost every day, I wake up refreshed at a reasonable hour. If I am up during the night, it is because the baby is needing something, and I can usually nap during the day with him to catch up. Other than that, I have energy all the time. I feel terrific.
The big issue I am noticing during the transition is that I am hungry often. At first, I felt really hungry, and I just ate snacks as often as I could, making sure to keep a lot of good stuff on hand. After a little more than a week, I need to eat fairly often, but I don't feel ravenously hungry ever. I don't eat very much at any one time, except for when I occasionally eat meat. When I eat meat, I tend to eat a lot, and then I am not hungry for a long time; usually well into the next morning. It occurs to me that I may be adjusting to a natural condition of being slightly hungry; I don't need to eat, but I can. That would make sense if I were a grazing omnivore in a jungle somewhere.
One symptom I have been fortunate to avoid over the years is chronic headaches, but I know many folks who suffer from them. I have recently read some fascinating stuff about glutamates (including, but not at all limited to, MSG). You are right, Mom, autolyzed yeast is essentially MSG. A lot of foods are high in glutamates, or exacerbate glutamate-sensitivity when cooked or fermented. Check out the information on this website, it is fascinating stuff. All of us should be careful with glutamates. We need some, they are essential to the production of hormones that calm us down. Too much overwhelms these processes and produces opposite and undesirable effects. This is an area where I need to learn a lot more, so please add any links that are useful to you.
So what are we eating, you may ask? Here are some terrific recipes that are working for our family. I still make bread or pasta when it is requested, but I am noticing a decline in demand lately as we all start feeling better.
I am living out of Ani Phyo's "Ani's Raw Food Kitchen". Sometimes I follow her recipes but cook them. I find the text in this book to be somewhat sanctimonious and annoying, but the recipes are terrific.
Sun Burgers with Basil Cashew Sauce
Ingredients:
Basil Cashew Sauce
Ingredients:
Ragged animal hides not required.
My first reaction was to wail and weep as if the house had burned down. Since then, oddly, I have felt really calm about the whole thing. There is a good chance that I can retrieve the files if I take the machine to a tech (yes, I will buy backup memory and back everything up RIGHT THEN!), but my usual response to this type of situation is to panic until I have taken care of things.
Why am I sharing this scintillating tale with you? Well, in addition to offering an explanation for why I won't include any pictures this week, I think this is a testament to the incredible success my current dietary regimen has had in terms of regulating my adrenals. Accepting impermanence, staying present and mindful, meeting each moment with openness and energy; everything is suddenly much easier.
I have shared here before that I often have insomnia, waking during the night for hours at a time. While my other anxiety symptoms have declined over the years as I have made chances to my lifestyle and diet, I occasionally feel panicky or my heart races. I have to be very careful what "news" I consume and how; certain issues put me over the edge and I have trouble bringing myself back to a normal mental and emotional state.
Last week, I wrote that I was making a casual transition to a modified paleolithic diet (and by modified I mean that I cheat sometimes!). So now that I have gone and told everyone to eat lentils, I am easing myself off legumes and pulses. Since I stopped eating wheat and all other grains (I am not strict about beans and lentils and dairy products, although I can tell that I don't digest as well when I eat them), I sleep at night. Almost every day, I wake up refreshed at a reasonable hour. If I am up during the night, it is because the baby is needing something, and I can usually nap during the day with him to catch up. Other than that, I have energy all the time. I feel terrific.
The big issue I am noticing during the transition is that I am hungry often. At first, I felt really hungry, and I just ate snacks as often as I could, making sure to keep a lot of good stuff on hand. After a little more than a week, I need to eat fairly often, but I don't feel ravenously hungry ever. I don't eat very much at any one time, except for when I occasionally eat meat. When I eat meat, I tend to eat a lot, and then I am not hungry for a long time; usually well into the next morning. It occurs to me that I may be adjusting to a natural condition of being slightly hungry; I don't need to eat, but I can. That would make sense if I were a grazing omnivore in a jungle somewhere.
One symptom I have been fortunate to avoid over the years is chronic headaches, but I know many folks who suffer from them. I have recently read some fascinating stuff about glutamates (including, but not at all limited to, MSG). You are right, Mom, autolyzed yeast is essentially MSG. A lot of foods are high in glutamates, or exacerbate glutamate-sensitivity when cooked or fermented. Check out the information on this website, it is fascinating stuff. All of us should be careful with glutamates. We need some, they are essential to the production of hormones that calm us down. Too much overwhelms these processes and produces opposite and undesirable effects. This is an area where I need to learn a lot more, so please add any links that are useful to you.
So what are we eating, you may ask? Here are some terrific recipes that are working for our family. I still make bread or pasta when it is requested, but I am noticing a decline in demand lately as we all start feeling better.
I am living out of Ani Phyo's "Ani's Raw Food Kitchen". Sometimes I follow her recipes but cook them. I find the text in this book to be somewhat sanctimonious and annoying, but the recipes are terrific.
Sun Burgers with Basil Cashew Sauce
Ingredients:
- 3/4 C chopped celery
- 1/4 C chopped yellow onion
- 1 C chopped cremini mushrooms
- 1t sea salt
- 2t dried oregano or 2T fresh oregano
- 1 C sunflower seeds, ground
- 1/2 C flax seeds, ground
- 1/2 C water
- 1/4 C chopped parsley
- Basil Cashew Sauce, see below
- Mix all the ingredients in a bowl, adding water last to get a good burger texture. As it is important not to eat mushrooms raw, you can either pre-marinate them in a little olive oil and tamari, as I did, or cook the burgers.
- Form burger patties.
- If cooking, bake at 350 for about 10-15 minutes, checking regularly.
Basil Cashew Sauce
Ingredients:
- 1 medium garlic clove
- 1 t sea salt
- 2 C cashews (I soak mine for 4-8 hours)
- 4T lemon juice. If fresh, juice of 2 lemons
- 1 T olive oil
- 1 bunch basil
- 1/2 C water, as needed
- Puree all ingredients in blender or food processor to make a thick cream.
Ragged animal hides not required.
Friday, June 24, 2011
The Preference for Poison
The pharmaceutical companies might not have as much to worry about as they think from vitalistic health approaches. It isn't because there aren't non-toxic or non-pharmaceutical alternatives to most of the mainstream treatments for major and minor maladies. I believe that there is so much we can do with whole foods in various forms to prevent and heal damage that I feel compelled to study it with devotional zeal. No, it is because a majority tends to view the allopathic approach as the "easy way."
I was chatting with a friend whose father-in-law has AML. He is in chemotherapy, but he isn't interested in modifying his diet or his lifestyle, and the prognosis is not promising. The odd thing is, he feels terrific on the chemo, and horrible off it. Now, the way chemo works, it is true that the nadir (rock-bottom) comes after the treatment, but I would not describe the experience of toxic drug therapy as "terrific." No; "white-knuckled and teeth-clenched, grasping at the core of health lest I spin off into black misery" is closer to it. And yet it is easier, psychologically, to undergo these treatments than to stop eating bread or drinking coffee (and don't even ask me about alcohol). Whyizzat?
There are deep cultural and social reasons, as well as individual psychological ones. Many of them are well documented and explained in this article, which highlights the addictive and toxic characteristics of all the grasses we eat (including rice, corn, and any monocotyledonous foods), with wheat at the top of the heap. (See also this for an explanation of the health dangers of whole grains, aside from gluten) Read these essays. They are stunning arguments for an immediate cessation of grain consumption, even for healthy folks.
Sustenance is the basis of much of our human interaction. We identify ourselves by what we eat, and our cultural rituals are rooted in it. To stray from the norm, and again from our own place of comfort, feels a radical act. All addictions are ritualistic, and all rituals are habitual (with apologies to Jane's Addiction). In order to change, what we are moving towards must become as compelling, or more so, as what we are leaving behind.
This transition happens slowly, at least for me. Now I am moving towards a paleolithic diet, in a household where my partner is a pesca-vegetarian and my children like nothing better than bread with butter and honey (NOT toasted, thank you). The amazing thing is, it's working! It is working because it finally made sense, on an emotional level.
It is certainly cheaper to heal yourself with food than drugs, but the pharmas have psychology and cultural identity on their side. Until we identify this weight, we cannot unburden ourselves from it.
I was chatting with a friend whose father-in-law has AML. He is in chemotherapy, but he isn't interested in modifying his diet or his lifestyle, and the prognosis is not promising. The odd thing is, he feels terrific on the chemo, and horrible off it. Now, the way chemo works, it is true that the nadir (rock-bottom) comes after the treatment, but I would not describe the experience of toxic drug therapy as "terrific." No; "white-knuckled and teeth-clenched, grasping at the core of health lest I spin off into black misery" is closer to it. And yet it is easier, psychologically, to undergo these treatments than to stop eating bread or drinking coffee (and don't even ask me about alcohol). Whyizzat?
 |
| My Beautiful Bread! How do I part with it? |
Sustenance is the basis of much of our human interaction. We identify ourselves by what we eat, and our cultural rituals are rooted in it. To stray from the norm, and again from our own place of comfort, feels a radical act. All addictions are ritualistic, and all rituals are habitual (with apologies to Jane's Addiction). In order to change, what we are moving towards must become as compelling, or more so, as what we are leaving behind.
This transition happens slowly, at least for me. Now I am moving towards a paleolithic diet, in a household where my partner is a pesca-vegetarian and my children like nothing better than bread with butter and honey (NOT toasted, thank you). The amazing thing is, it's working! It is working because it finally made sense, on an emotional level.
It is certainly cheaper to heal yourself with food than drugs, but the pharmas have psychology and cultural identity on their side. Until we identify this weight, we cannot unburden ourselves from it.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Ritual and Replenishment: A Few Thoughts on Surviving a Hospital Stay
My day is full of rituals. (I feel like I am documenting them in my My Time-Lapse Life project, which is cool). I used to make coffee and an egg; now I make a green smoothie and some tea, but the idea is the same. The hospital is full of rituals, too, that became mine: the 5:30 am rounds of the phlebotomist, the routine vitals report every four hours, the 2am changing of sweat-soaked sheets and pajamas.
In my life, I have spent approximately seven weeks in the hospital; six of them were this past fall. It is possible to make a home within those four white walls. Here are a few suggestions, either of things that I did or things that I should have done, to make myself comfortable. I hope some of them can be helpful to you.
I know there are fancy hospitals out there; this wasn't one of them. Picture fifties-era motel in forgotten tourist locale, and you have the image. Nonetheless, or perhaps because of this, the medical and support staff were extremely flexible and accommodating. I cannot say enough good things about Mercy Hospital. Some of the following were their suggestions.
-Private Room
You may not have much influence here, but it's worth trying. Your doctor, and the staff at her or his office that are making your "reservation" might be able to help. Ask them. Call the nurses station before you check in (this is wise as a confirmation anyway; waiting in admitting for several hours is pretty boring), and find out if you are in a private room. At Mercy, the oncology patients are always in private rooms, and guests are welcome to stay.
-Refrigerator
Ask the hospital if you can have one. They like to inspect it. This way you can keep your own food or supplements at hand. Hospital food is no way to get healthy; I became quite dependent on fish salad and ferments.
-Pillows, Mattress Pads
The mattresses and pillows in the hospital are made of plastic. You know why. Even if you don't have the sweats from your treatment, you will from the bedding. If your hospital lets you bring your own, I recommend it. If you are sensitive to the chemical detergents and bleach used in the linens, you can bring those as well (don't forget a laundry bag). If you are using theirs, ask the staff to put a flannel blanket under the bottom sheet.
-Soap
My skin inflames immediately if I use anti-bacterial detergent soaps. You will probably remember your toothbrush, but try to remember your soap, too.
-Pure anhydrous lanolin
Hospital air is awful, and the windows cannot be opened due to infection risk. My skin got terribly dry, especially my lips and around my eyes. The hospital will happily sell you moisturizers, but they are all full of petroleum and parabens. Get pure lanolin at the drug store, or have someone bring it to you.
-Ipod, Ipod dock
All hospital rooms have televisions, but I don't like to watch tv. I find solace in music. Plus, hospitals can be noisy; the more sanctuary-like you can make your room, the better.
-Clothes
Do you really want to be in a one-size-fits-all johnny the whole time? Some treatments require it, but if yours doesn't, I recommend bringing your own clothes. And even if you do need to wear a johnny, you can still have your own shorts and bathrobe.
-Outside food source
Have I mentioned that hospital food is no way to get healthy? I found a nearby cafe that specialized in local and organic foods, and would maintain a prepaid account in my name. This way, friends could bring up a meal without having to front the cash, and I didn't need to keep cash in the hospital.
-Bottled water
The hospital will have this, but I recommend ordering several whenever you get anything from the kitchen. That way you will have them on hand when you need them, and not have to wait for a nurse to get them.
Label all your stuff, and don't keep anything in the hospital that you would be devastated to lose. My hospital was very safe, but things do get stolen. You don't need cash or credit cards when you are there; get insurance on your phone. It can help to tuck stuff into a drawer if you are leaving the room for a procedure.
Okay, so those are some mundane details, but the larger picture I want to paint is that of getting through the day. I found my time in the hospital to be a gift. How often in your life do you have no job but to focus on your own well-being? That said, the whole environment can get a bit tedious.
-Create rituals. I had several. My grandmother gave me an electric kettle so that I could make tea (another reason to keep extra water on hand). A couple times of day I could make a cup of tea and sit down with some blogs or a book.
Every night after dinner I got out of bed, unplugged my iv stand, stuffed the tubing into my bathrobe and strolled the halls in my Crocs (slippers or rubber shoes are great in the hospital - the floors are gross). While I walked I would recite my mantra to myself - writing a healing mantra is another important ritual that I recommend. The evening ritual made it easier to go to bed.
While it isn't an idyllic meditation center in Western Mass., the hospital can still be a mindfulness retreat. There are a million little beeps and buzzers to act as reminders, and there is plenty of time. I recommend sitting upright or lying flat; the semi-seated position that hospital beds encourage is not good for your spine or your energy.
Of course, I had books and magazines and movies too. It all helps.
-Make friends with your nurses and support staff.
It isn't their fault you are sick; they are trying to help. I liked the people I saw every day, and having their encouragement did make a difference. Plus, when you are soaked in sweat at 2 in the morning or waiting for someone to empty the commode, you don't want to be on the wrong side of the staff.
-Pay attention, if you can. If you can't, make notes. If you are engaged in your treatment and ask lots of questions, especially when getting a medication, you will be more informed about what is happening. Mention everything when the physician's assistant or doctor makes rounds - they don't always know what the nurses are suggesting and they might disagree.
The strange thing about in-patient chemotherapy, at least for me, was that I was usually feeling totally fine until they started medicating me. My mind would be alert and active, my body would crave exercise. Instead, I would be tethered to a machine in a tiny room. Despite all that, I found ways to make my stays bearable and even restorative.
Please feel free to add any additional suggestions.
In my life, I have spent approximately seven weeks in the hospital; six of them were this past fall. It is possible to make a home within those four white walls. Here are a few suggestions, either of things that I did or things that I should have done, to make myself comfortable. I hope some of them can be helpful to you.
I know there are fancy hospitals out there; this wasn't one of them. Picture fifties-era motel in forgotten tourist locale, and you have the image. Nonetheless, or perhaps because of this, the medical and support staff were extremely flexible and accommodating. I cannot say enough good things about Mercy Hospital. Some of the following were their suggestions.
-Private Room
You may not have much influence here, but it's worth trying. Your doctor, and the staff at her or his office that are making your "reservation" might be able to help. Ask them. Call the nurses station before you check in (this is wise as a confirmation anyway; waiting in admitting for several hours is pretty boring), and find out if you are in a private room. At Mercy, the oncology patients are always in private rooms, and guests are welcome to stay.
-Refrigerator
Ask the hospital if you can have one. They like to inspect it. This way you can keep your own food or supplements at hand. Hospital food is no way to get healthy; I became quite dependent on fish salad and ferments.
-Pillows, Mattress Pads
The mattresses and pillows in the hospital are made of plastic. You know why. Even if you don't have the sweats from your treatment, you will from the bedding. If your hospital lets you bring your own, I recommend it. If you are sensitive to the chemical detergents and bleach used in the linens, you can bring those as well (don't forget a laundry bag). If you are using theirs, ask the staff to put a flannel blanket under the bottom sheet.
-Soap
My skin inflames immediately if I use anti-bacterial detergent soaps. You will probably remember your toothbrush, but try to remember your soap, too.
-Pure anhydrous lanolin
Hospital air is awful, and the windows cannot be opened due to infection risk. My skin got terribly dry, especially my lips and around my eyes. The hospital will happily sell you moisturizers, but they are all full of petroleum and parabens. Get pure lanolin at the drug store, or have someone bring it to you.
-Ipod, Ipod dock
All hospital rooms have televisions, but I don't like to watch tv. I find solace in music. Plus, hospitals can be noisy; the more sanctuary-like you can make your room, the better.
-Clothes
Do you really want to be in a one-size-fits-all johnny the whole time? Some treatments require it, but if yours doesn't, I recommend bringing your own clothes. And even if you do need to wear a johnny, you can still have your own shorts and bathrobe.
-Outside food source
Have I mentioned that hospital food is no way to get healthy? I found a nearby cafe that specialized in local and organic foods, and would maintain a prepaid account in my name. This way, friends could bring up a meal without having to front the cash, and I didn't need to keep cash in the hospital.
-Bottled water
The hospital will have this, but I recommend ordering several whenever you get anything from the kitchen. That way you will have them on hand when you need them, and not have to wait for a nurse to get them.
Label all your stuff, and don't keep anything in the hospital that you would be devastated to lose. My hospital was very safe, but things do get stolen. You don't need cash or credit cards when you are there; get insurance on your phone. It can help to tuck stuff into a drawer if you are leaving the room for a procedure.
Okay, so those are some mundane details, but the larger picture I want to paint is that of getting through the day. I found my time in the hospital to be a gift. How often in your life do you have no job but to focus on your own well-being? That said, the whole environment can get a bit tedious.
-Create rituals. I had several. My grandmother gave me an electric kettle so that I could make tea (another reason to keep extra water on hand). A couple times of day I could make a cup of tea and sit down with some blogs or a book.
Every night after dinner I got out of bed, unplugged my iv stand, stuffed the tubing into my bathrobe and strolled the halls in my Crocs (slippers or rubber shoes are great in the hospital - the floors are gross). While I walked I would recite my mantra to myself - writing a healing mantra is another important ritual that I recommend. The evening ritual made it easier to go to bed.
While it isn't an idyllic meditation center in Western Mass., the hospital can still be a mindfulness retreat. There are a million little beeps and buzzers to act as reminders, and there is plenty of time. I recommend sitting upright or lying flat; the semi-seated position that hospital beds encourage is not good for your spine or your energy.
Of course, I had books and magazines and movies too. It all helps.
-Make friends with your nurses and support staff.
It isn't their fault you are sick; they are trying to help. I liked the people I saw every day, and having their encouragement did make a difference. Plus, when you are soaked in sweat at 2 in the morning or waiting for someone to empty the commode, you don't want to be on the wrong side of the staff.
-Pay attention, if you can. If you can't, make notes. If you are engaged in your treatment and ask lots of questions, especially when getting a medication, you will be more informed about what is happening. Mention everything when the physician's assistant or doctor makes rounds - they don't always know what the nurses are suggesting and they might disagree.
The strange thing about in-patient chemotherapy, at least for me, was that I was usually feeling totally fine until they started medicating me. My mind would be alert and active, my body would crave exercise. Instead, I would be tethered to a machine in a tiny room. Despite all that, I found ways to make my stays bearable and even restorative.
Please feel free to add any additional suggestions.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Right Now: My Time-Lapse Life
I sat down to write this post and this was in my blogroll. Cancer is curable; please consider helping this young woman corral the funds she needs to tackle her illness outside of the toxic assault paradigm of allopathy. No gift is too small; some of the largest and most powerful presents are just in the healing energy you can send. Trust me, I know. If you don't have any money, sit down and take a focused moment to envision her raising this money and getting well.
She has moments to live. So many. I have often written about the importance of staying in the present. Yesterday I began a new project with that in mind. It is a Twitter-based micro-blogging art journey called Right Now: My Life In Time Lapse. Or My Time-Lapse Life. I'm still working out the bugs. Each hour I take a single photograph from my phone. Low-fidelity, no editing, no effects. Point. Shoot. Publish. If you are on Twitter you can follow it here. I will be blogging the project once a day at http://mytimelapselife.wordpress.com/.
Never fear, I will still be writing my weekly Nourishing Path musings and nutritional adventures! My Time-Lapse Life is part of my path right now, and this project is already amazing! I hope you will join me!
She has moments to live. So many. I have often written about the importance of staying in the present. Yesterday I began a new project with that in mind. It is a Twitter-based micro-blogging art journey called Right Now: My Life In Time Lapse. Or My Time-Lapse Life. I'm still working out the bugs. Each hour I take a single photograph from my phone. Low-fidelity, no editing, no effects. Point. Shoot. Publish. If you are on Twitter you can follow it here. I will be blogging the project once a day at http://mytimelapselife.wordpress.com/.
Never fear, I will still be writing my weekly Nourishing Path musings and nutritional adventures! My Time-Lapse Life is part of my path right now, and this project is already amazing! I hope you will join me!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Grit Into Gold Dust: The Gift of Right Now
There was a time in my life when I thought I might be an engineer, or a pilot. Perhaps I could have been a lawyer. I have pictured myself as a professor, comfortable in a sinecure somewhere, elucidating the vagaries of Misesian praxeology or describing the subtle distinctions between Rembrandt's etchings and those of his followers. At one point I was quite certain that I would be an equity analyst in some large New York firm; I chased that dream to the towers of lower Manhattan before backing slowly away.
Somewhere in the current of that stream I got married and had two children. The life I pictured began to have other people at its center. Wallace sawing away on a tiny violin, my children participating in the musical culture that is the center of our social life. Staying up late watching nature documentaries with the older child, while John and the baby sleep, sharing fantasies about sailing to exotic places. Someday, preparing food and offering solace to people struggling with the illogic of serious illness.
In my picture, my children don't attend school. We sleep late on a Monday, make a snowman and a bowl of soup on a winter Wednesday; we never have the Sunday Blues. So when I found myself too sick and too exhausted to be the primary source of a social structure and activity that my older child was craving, I fought against the option of offering him the local pre-K program; my children don't go to school. As I began to look forward to the end of my treatment, though, I imagined recovering slowly, caring for a young toddler and a five year old without the amazing assistance upon which I had been so dependent during the Fall. I suggested the school to my then-four-year-old, and was startled at his immediate embrace of it.
The school in this town makes it hard to be hostile to school. With only about a thousand permanent residents and a strong social fabric, its little pre-K-to-sixth grade school is responsive, transparent, and nurturing. Wallace can attend as many or as few days as he would like (this continues past pre-K, as well). The peer environment is much like the ones I witness in families of many children, where everyone is a new friend and the older children willingly take the younger ones under their wings.
With some trepidation, I enrolled him one day a week. At his request, he is now up to three. I think he would go all five if I encouraged it, but I miss him. Childhood is short; I don't want him to spend his somewhere else, and I don't want it to end before it needs to. That said, he is thriving, and he adores it.
I woke in the quarter-light of pre-dawn the other morning, struggling with a strange conundrum. Why, if my child is so happy in school, and the school is such a positive place, am I still so resistant to it? What are my fears? As I began to parse them out, I realized that, although there are specific details and rationales, the root of it is that I had a different vision. By spending my time in some other place in my mind, I forgot to be in the place where I am. The place where everything is working, and everyone is happy, and every problem seems to solve itself. That is always this place, when I remember to stay here.
The person in the mirror always looks a little different than the one in the photograph; I struggle to reconcile the images. It's like looking at one of those Magic Eye pictures, crossing my eyes until the real Sarah Thompson emerges (she appears to have crossed eyes). A close friend once remarked that referring to past gaffes is a way of distancing ourselves from them, desperately hoping that the ability to recognize the errors proves that we are "cool" now, incapable of similar stumbles. I think it can go the other way, too: by imagining a fantasy future we can fall into the trap of treating the grit of our present as a shortcoming from which we plan to escape. The thing is, it only looks like grit beneath the broom; if I hold it in my hand, it turns to gold dust.
Do you experience friction between your reality and your vision?
Somewhere in the current of that stream I got married and had two children. The life I pictured began to have other people at its center. Wallace sawing away on a tiny violin, my children participating in the musical culture that is the center of our social life. Staying up late watching nature documentaries with the older child, while John and the baby sleep, sharing fantasies about sailing to exotic places. Someday, preparing food and offering solace to people struggling with the illogic of serious illness.
The school in this town makes it hard to be hostile to school. With only about a thousand permanent residents and a strong social fabric, its little pre-K-to-sixth grade school is responsive, transparent, and nurturing. Wallace can attend as many or as few days as he would like (this continues past pre-K, as well). The peer environment is much like the ones I witness in families of many children, where everyone is a new friend and the older children willingly take the younger ones under their wings.
With some trepidation, I enrolled him one day a week. At his request, he is now up to three. I think he would go all five if I encouraged it, but I miss him. Childhood is short; I don't want him to spend his somewhere else, and I don't want it to end before it needs to. That said, he is thriving, and he adores it.
I woke in the quarter-light of pre-dawn the other morning, struggling with a strange conundrum. Why, if my child is so happy in school, and the school is such a positive place, am I still so resistant to it? What are my fears? As I began to parse them out, I realized that, although there are specific details and rationales, the root of it is that I had a different vision. By spending my time in some other place in my mind, I forgot to be in the place where I am. The place where everything is working, and everyone is happy, and every problem seems to solve itself. That is always this place, when I remember to stay here.
The person in the mirror always looks a little different than the one in the photograph; I struggle to reconcile the images. It's like looking at one of those Magic Eye pictures, crossing my eyes until the real Sarah Thompson emerges (she appears to have crossed eyes). A close friend once remarked that referring to past gaffes is a way of distancing ourselves from them, desperately hoping that the ability to recognize the errors proves that we are "cool" now, incapable of similar stumbles. I think it can go the other way, too: by imagining a fantasy future we can fall into the trap of treating the grit of our present as a shortcoming from which we plan to escape. The thing is, it only looks like grit beneath the broom; if I hold it in my hand, it turns to gold dust.
Do you experience friction between your reality and your vision?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Naps, Nutrition and A Cure (!) for the Common Cold. Plus, Digesting Sulfur-Rich Foods.
I love to nap, how I love to nap! ...And we have been having some serious napping weather up here in Maine, lately. Given that I have two wee ones, napping is usually needed and rarely occurs, but oh! what a treat when it does. I consider napping to be one of my primary untalents. Yesterday, for instance, I took a two hour nap. Then I was awake all night, which gave me plenty of time to think about what I should write this morning.
This week it's an easy one, because I have something powerful to share: The Cure For the Common Cold! I swear to you, I went to a Children's Museum (read: germ factory) on Tuesday, started feeling sniffly on Thursday, went to parties Friday AND Saturday night, and still woke up on Sunday feeling completely better. As part of that story, I want to relate some nutritional healing and rebalancing that has worked for me, in the hopes that there is something in all of this that you can use!
A couple of months ago, I started having mysterious stomach aches. They came on mid-morning, generally, and were often quite severe. This would be disconcerting in itself if I hadn't just had cancer. Since metabolic imbalance is an inherent characteristic of all illness, and not just a worrisome inconvenience, I did not want to ignore this information. I started with eliminating wheat, but that didn't seem to change much. I tried dairy products, but I don't really eat much anymore so that didn't make a difference either. Finally, I pinpointed eggs. Now, giving up eggs doesn't feel like an option to me, so I kept monkeying with different combinations and rhythms.
What I have found is that I cannot eat eggs in the morning, or bread, but I can eat eggs at other times of day and bread on occasion (but not on an empty stomach). Breakfast of fish or green smoothies works well, as long as I don't add raw egg to the smoothie. A major key, though, is adding dairy kefir, which is best for me in a smoothie. I was eating a lot of fermented foods, including water kefir, but until I added the milk kefir, my symptoms persisted. Thus I am advocating adding milk kefir (or perhaps milk kefir grain-cultured items, such as almond or coconut milk kefir) for gut normalization and enhanced sulfoxidation. Read the following blurb on sulfoxidation. One indication of an impaired sulfoxidation process is any problem digesting sulfur-rich foods. If your urine smells like asparagus after you eat it (the asparagus, not the urine), suspect this detoxification pathway.
(From http://www.beatcfsandfms.org/html/HealYourGut.html
Why Sugar, Meat and Egg Can Be Very Bad
"Glucose and most sugars are "aldohexoses" which means they produce a chemical called aldehyde. There is a liver filtration process called sulfoxidation, and if it is impaired (e.g. due to enzymes that have been inactivated by bad molecule such as lead or mercury), then the aldehyde will consume more of the enzymes used by sulfoxidation and therefore slow it down, causing toxins to build in the body. Methionine from eggs, meat and wheat produce poisonous H2S, CH3SH and formaldehyde from fermentation, and these consume enzymes used by the liver, causing toxins to build as well. Sugar itself requires mono-oxidations to burn it, and this process is also used to make ATP energy, therefore, the sugar inhibits the generation of ATP energy by stealing away mono-oxidation. In summary; egg, sugar and meat can cause fatigue if several enzymes in the liver have gone down due to bad molecules. The test for this condition is to avoid the "bad" foods listed above for several days and see if one feels significantly better." (Follow the link to read this organization's recommendations; I don't know anything about them so this does not constitute a recommendation, but the information above seems correct to me)
After just a few days on my modified regimen, I had dinner of fried eggs on asparagus and toast, with hollandaise, and felt fine (as well as digesting normally).
Now, about that cold! All of the above is related to the problem of viral load; if I am under the weather I try to reduce or eliminate wheat, dairy, and sugar (of course). In addition, when I am sick I take large doses of sodium ascorbate, which is a buffered form of vitamin C that is extremely bio-available. I am sympathetic to the argument that we should get all of our nutrients from food forms, but I make an exception for C (and occasionally D, in the winter), because our bodies have evolved with a deficiency: the gene that should enable us to synthesize vitamin C in our livers doesn't switch on. Goats generate tons of vitamin C internally, making them very resilient. Guinea pigs, on the other hand, make very little. Hence, they are terrific lab animals because they have no internal mechanism for processing toxins. I'd rather not be a choice subject in the rhinovirus experiment, so I take the C. (Approximately 2 grams when I am ill).
This time around, I added a new magic bullet: Master Tonic. I discovered this recipe through Heal Thyself, which is an amazing website (I recommend it, but I think there is a one-time fee for membership now. You can also "like" Heal-Thyself on Facebook and follow @foodhaspower on twitter for free). This recipe is based on a plague formula, and I believe it. You have to put this stuff back like cheap vodka at a college party; it goes down ROUGH! Nonetheless, it is worth it. Here's the formula. I use all organic ingredients, and my peppers were frozen; my vinegar was Braggs. I put it all in the food processor, skins and everything, and pulsed until it was the right texture. Be careful; the fumes can burn your eyes! You don't need to time it with the moon, just make sure it infuses for 14 days.
1 part fresh chopped white onions, or the hottest onions available (similar properties to garlic)
1 part fresh grated ginger root (increases circulation to the extremities)
1 part fresh grated horseradish root (increases blood flow to the head)
1 part fresh chopped Cayenne peppers, Jalapenos, Serranos, Habeneros, African bird peppers....any combination of the hottest peppers available
Preparation
· Fill a glass jar 3/4 of the way full with equal parts of the above fresh chopped and grated herbs. Then fill to the top with raw unfiltered, unbleached, nondistilled apple cider vinegar.
· Close and shake vigorously and then top off the vinegar if necessary. Begin this formula on the NEW moon and strain and bottle on the FULL moon, (approximately 14 days). Filter the mixture through a clean piece of cotton, bottle and label.
· Make sure that when you are making this tonic that you shake it every time you walk by it, a minimum of once per day. Remember that all the herbs and vegetables should be fresh (and organic if possible), and to use dried herbs only in an emergency.
Usage:
Strain liquids from solids through muslin cloth or strainer into a 8oz. Glass. Note: the solid ingredients retain almost the same potency as the liquid ingredients; therefore, these solids can be puréed to use with other ingredients like honey and lemon to make a salad dressing or to marinate meats of all sorts. For example mixing to taste with Peanut oil makes a great sauce to roast chicken. This formula will not spoil unless mixed with new ingredients.
Dosage:
1/2 to 1 ounce, two or more times daily, gargle and swallow. I hear it is not only the cure for the common cold but every other disease of mankind. lol
Note:
Store your tincture in a dark place as light will deteriorate it. You can put the jar in a paper bag for the brewing and shaking process. “Tinctures last indefinitely, while herbs can lose potency within a year. Also, tinctures enter your system in seconds, as compared with dry herbs in capsules which have to be digested first.” Advised Schultz.
This tonic is extremely powerful, because all the ingredients are fresh. Its power should not be underestimated. This formula is a modern day plague tonic. It is said that when added to an incurable routine it could cure the most chronic conditions and stubborn diseases. It stimulates maximum blood circulation, while putting the best detoxifying herbs into the blood. This formula is not just for the sniffles, it has helped to turn around the deadliest diseases.
"...I designed this formula as a fresh herb alternative to Dr. Christopher’s plague formula, to be more alive, a herbal juice tonic, and believe me, you don’t want to be without formulas like this when you or your loved ones get ill; it will save your life. Make up plenty, it can’t go bad because vinegar already is, and will last almost forever..," writes Dr. Shultz.
Quoted from Sam Biser’s “The Last Chance Health Report” on Killer Viruses: A formula for stopping them when drugs fail. http://www.its-my-health.com/documents/MasterTonic.pdf
That's my health report for the week; may it be of some use to you!
This week it's an easy one, because I have something powerful to share: The Cure For the Common Cold! I swear to you, I went to a Children's Museum (read: germ factory) on Tuesday, started feeling sniffly on Thursday, went to parties Friday AND Saturday night, and still woke up on Sunday feeling completely better. As part of that story, I want to relate some nutritional healing and rebalancing that has worked for me, in the hopes that there is something in all of this that you can use!
A couple of months ago, I started having mysterious stomach aches. They came on mid-morning, generally, and were often quite severe. This would be disconcerting in itself if I hadn't just had cancer. Since metabolic imbalance is an inherent characteristic of all illness, and not just a worrisome inconvenience, I did not want to ignore this information. I started with eliminating wheat, but that didn't seem to change much. I tried dairy products, but I don't really eat much anymore so that didn't make a difference either. Finally, I pinpointed eggs. Now, giving up eggs doesn't feel like an option to me, so I kept monkeying with different combinations and rhythms.
What I have found is that I cannot eat eggs in the morning, or bread, but I can eat eggs at other times of day and bread on occasion (but not on an empty stomach). Breakfast of fish or green smoothies works well, as long as I don't add raw egg to the smoothie. A major key, though, is adding dairy kefir, which is best for me in a smoothie. I was eating a lot of fermented foods, including water kefir, but until I added the milk kefir, my symptoms persisted. Thus I am advocating adding milk kefir (or perhaps milk kefir grain-cultured items, such as almond or coconut milk kefir) for gut normalization and enhanced sulfoxidation. Read the following blurb on sulfoxidation. One indication of an impaired sulfoxidation process is any problem digesting sulfur-rich foods. If your urine smells like asparagus after you eat it (the asparagus, not the urine), suspect this detoxification pathway.
(From http://www.beatcfsandfms.org/html/HealYourGut.html
Why Sugar, Meat and Egg Can Be Very Bad
"Glucose and most sugars are "aldohexoses" which means they produce a chemical called aldehyde. There is a liver filtration process called sulfoxidation, and if it is impaired (e.g. due to enzymes that have been inactivated by bad molecule such as lead or mercury), then the aldehyde will consume more of the enzymes used by sulfoxidation and therefore slow it down, causing toxins to build in the body. Methionine from eggs, meat and wheat produce poisonous H2S, CH3SH and formaldehyde from fermentation, and these consume enzymes used by the liver, causing toxins to build as well. Sugar itself requires mono-oxidations to burn it, and this process is also used to make ATP energy, therefore, the sugar inhibits the generation of ATP energy by stealing away mono-oxidation. In summary; egg, sugar and meat can cause fatigue if several enzymes in the liver have gone down due to bad molecules. The test for this condition is to avoid the "bad" foods listed above for several days and see if one feels significantly better." (Follow the link to read this organization's recommendations; I don't know anything about them so this does not constitute a recommendation, but the information above seems correct to me)
After just a few days on my modified regimen, I had dinner of fried eggs on asparagus and toast, with hollandaise, and felt fine (as well as digesting normally).
Now, about that cold! All of the above is related to the problem of viral load; if I am under the weather I try to reduce or eliminate wheat, dairy, and sugar (of course). In addition, when I am sick I take large doses of sodium ascorbate, which is a buffered form of vitamin C that is extremely bio-available. I am sympathetic to the argument that we should get all of our nutrients from food forms, but I make an exception for C (and occasionally D, in the winter), because our bodies have evolved with a deficiency: the gene that should enable us to synthesize vitamin C in our livers doesn't switch on. Goats generate tons of vitamin C internally, making them very resilient. Guinea pigs, on the other hand, make very little. Hence, they are terrific lab animals because they have no internal mechanism for processing toxins. I'd rather not be a choice subject in the rhinovirus experiment, so I take the C. (Approximately 2 grams when I am ill).
This time around, I added a new magic bullet: Master Tonic. I discovered this recipe through Heal Thyself, which is an amazing website (I recommend it, but I think there is a one-time fee for membership now. You can also "like" Heal-Thyself on Facebook and follow @foodhaspower on twitter for free). This recipe is based on a plague formula, and I believe it. You have to put this stuff back like cheap vodka at a college party; it goes down ROUGH! Nonetheless, it is worth it. Here's the formula. I use all organic ingredients, and my peppers were frozen; my vinegar was Braggs. I put it all in the food processor, skins and everything, and pulsed until it was the right texture. Be careful; the fumes can burn your eyes! You don't need to time it with the moon, just make sure it infuses for 14 days.
Master Tonic Ingredients
1 part fresh chopped garlic cloves (antibacterial, antifungal, antiviral, antiparasitical)1 part fresh chopped white onions, or the hottest onions available (similar properties to garlic)
1 part fresh grated ginger root (increases circulation to the extremities)
1 part fresh grated horseradish root (increases blood flow to the head)
1 part fresh chopped Cayenne peppers, Jalapenos, Serranos, Habeneros, African bird peppers....any combination of the hottest peppers available
Preparation
· Fill a glass jar 3/4 of the way full with equal parts of the above fresh chopped and grated herbs. Then fill to the top with raw unfiltered, unbleached, nondistilled apple cider vinegar.
· Close and shake vigorously and then top off the vinegar if necessary. Begin this formula on the NEW moon and strain and bottle on the FULL moon, (approximately 14 days). Filter the mixture through a clean piece of cotton, bottle and label.
· Make sure that when you are making this tonic that you shake it every time you walk by it, a minimum of once per day. Remember that all the herbs and vegetables should be fresh (and organic if possible), and to use dried herbs only in an emergency.
Usage:
Strain liquids from solids through muslin cloth or strainer into a 8oz. Glass. Note: the solid ingredients retain almost the same potency as the liquid ingredients; therefore, these solids can be puréed to use with other ingredients like honey and lemon to make a salad dressing or to marinate meats of all sorts. For example mixing to taste with Peanut oil makes a great sauce to roast chicken. This formula will not spoil unless mixed with new ingredients.
Dosage:
1/2 to 1 ounce, two or more times daily, gargle and swallow. I hear it is not only the cure for the common cold but every other disease of mankind. lol
Note:
Store your tincture in a dark place as light will deteriorate it. You can put the jar in a paper bag for the brewing and shaking process. “Tinctures last indefinitely, while herbs can lose potency within a year. Also, tinctures enter your system in seconds, as compared with dry herbs in capsules which have to be digested first.” Advised Schultz.
This tonic is extremely powerful, because all the ingredients are fresh. Its power should not be underestimated. This formula is a modern day plague tonic. It is said that when added to an incurable routine it could cure the most chronic conditions and stubborn diseases. It stimulates maximum blood circulation, while putting the best detoxifying herbs into the blood. This formula is not just for the sniffles, it has helped to turn around the deadliest diseases.
"...I designed this formula as a fresh herb alternative to Dr. Christopher’s plague formula, to be more alive, a herbal juice tonic, and believe me, you don’t want to be without formulas like this when you or your loved ones get ill; it will save your life. Make up plenty, it can’t go bad because vinegar already is, and will last almost forever..," writes Dr. Shultz.
Quoted from Sam Biser’s “The Last Chance Health Report” on Killer Viruses: A formula for stopping them when drugs fail. http://www.its-my-health.com/documents/MasterTonic.pdf
That's my health report for the week; may it be of some use to you!
 |
| See, no plague! |
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| The Nourishing Path itself runs through my back yard |
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