Usually, when things are really dark, I can comb the bottom for that shining gem to wrap in black cloth and then reveal at the end of the post. But right now, in midst of this battle with venal occlusive disorder (this one wasn't in the plans and it takes good three weeks to sort out - got this diagnosis the morning of my dismissal so I now I am back in this bed in this nightmare of diarrhea and vomiting and pain,) all I've got is the Serenity Prayer. From AA. God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If you know where I stand with God, this has to tell you I have reached the bottom. The adsolute nadir of things I cannot change. But there's power in that bottom place, too; I have to stay here as long as I need to and once I am not here anymore, it will be the hardest thing I have yet accomplished.